TRUTH #3 -TURN YOUR ROMANTIC DAYDREAMS INTO PRAYER FOR YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND…
DISCLAIMER: This is not a license to lust, commit idolatry, or spend all your time pinning things to your wedding board on Pinterest (though I totally support the practice of pinning in moderation 😉
During my single season, it was inevitable that at some point during my day, a thought about my future husband would creep into my mind. What would he be like? Will be funny…serious? Will he like to hold my hand in public? I would then be immediately overcome with guilt and mentally slap myself in the face, “Brooke!? What is wrong with you!? You should not be thinking about these things! I should be CONTENT! God calls for me to be CONTENT!”
The gentle wisdom of my mother and the Word eventually helped me to see the faulty logic in my self-condemning response, and to understand that it is possible to possess a God-given desire and still remain content.
Think about it…we each come divinely downloaded with a dream of some sort. That means GOD HIMSELF has a dream for our lives. Whether it’s to become a wife and a mom, a successful businesswoman, the creator of a thriving ministry, or a combination of callings, God has created each of us to yearn for something.
He did this ON PURPOSE. It is the hope of one day occupying these positions that propels us forward through oftentimes challenging obstacles. …Take King David for example. Scholars estimate that it took around 15 years from the time that David was anointed King, until the time he actually took the throne. (He spent most of that time hiding out like a wanted hobo in the desert while the current King tried to murder him.) Moses faced off with Pharaoh and walked in circles through the wilderness for 40 years in the hope of one day entering the Promised Land. Christ Himself endured the cross “for the joy set before Him.” ((5))
It is not a sin or a shame to possess a God-given desire, it is a question of what we do with it.
There is both a RIGHT and a WRONG way to handle God given desires that are still awaiting fulfillment. We can hide them, we can hold them against God, or we can bring them to God.
A lot of well-intentioned believers, embarrassed by their longings, go for the “let’s just pretend it’s not there” route and attempt to shove their desires into the deepest corner of their heart’s closet.
(TIP: It is NEVER, EVER a good idea to try to hide something from God. It never ends well. Thank you.)
There is a major tactical error in this approach. Living things that are hidden in the dark tend to fester and mold over with unpleasant substances. (Drop a banana behind your fridge and check it out a month later to see what I’m talking about) Try to squash a God-granted passion into a corner of your soul, and some breed of toxic soul fungus starts to grow…like resentment for example. We find our lives unfulfilling and we’re quite sure why.
We begin to question God, asking, “Why would you make me this way if You never planned to fulfill me?…Why are You doing this to me, God, it isn’t fair!?” Our confusion and frustration drive a wedge between us and the Creator who granted us these desires as a gift.
God never asks us to pretend with Him. Real healing begins when we are willing to be real and authentic in God’s Presence.
It is only when we bring our desires into the light of God’s Presence that we are able to see them clearly, and that He is able to use them as tools to draw us closer to Himself, rather than push us away.
Things left in the dark tend to look disproportionate, and can loom larger than life. When we lay our longings before God, they might not go away, but they will be exposed for what they really are– not as necessities but as ACCESSORIES to the already filled-to-the-brim life that we have in Christ.
David could have spent those 15 years brooding in the corner of a cave, wallowing in a storm cloud of self-pity and anger. Instead, He chose to lay his longings before God, pouring out his fears, his confusion, and his desire to be delivered from his enemies and appointed to his rightful place.
Pay close attention to this…David’s prayers during this time almost always followed a very specific pattern. Although they would begin with cries of distress, they would soon rise into an affirmation of David’s trust in God’s unchanging character, and would end in white-hot praise and genuine joy.
What began with, “Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!” concludes with,”My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and give praise!” (Psalm 56:7) ((6))
What exactly happened in between the time that David started praying and the time he ended?! It wasn’t David’s situation that changed, it was David himself that changed.
David knew and capitalized on the secret–God’s Presence changes things. Most of the time, that thing is us.
Even though David didn’t always get what he asked for at the moment, he got something better-the unparalleled joy of the peace and Presence of Christ.
The BEST thing that you can get out of your single season, or out of any waiting period in your life, is not an answered prayer to move forward, but more of Jesus.
If you don’t get anything else out of this point, get this-
The best way to deal with thoughts about your future husband, is to turn those thoughts into PRAYER for your future husband.
The next time a thought about your future spouse pops into your mind, don’t shove it away, beat yourself up, or pretend it didn’t happen. Bring it to God. Let Him know how you feel!
He WANTS to hear from us! Tell Him your frustrations and your fears, what you’re wishing for and hoping to find in a man. Ask God to purify and direct your desires towards the one man He has waiting for you. Remember that your husband is probably going through the same things that you are! Pray for his strength, patience, and the growth of his character. Be specific! He doesn’t get tired of details. We serve a very Personal God!
God is not an impersonal Psychiatrist, silently taking notes and sending you off to collect your prescription. He pulls us up into His arms and weeps with us, offers to take our hand and walk into the depths of our despair. He doesn’t send us off for a quick fix….He gives us Himself.
I cannot tell you how many times will husband will do or say something (without me telling him to) that is an exact answer to a dream or prayer that I had brought to God years ago, some I had even forgotten about. These moments leave me speechless and often tear-filled. He REALLY was listening to all those prayers that I once thought were silly or meaningless! He REMEMBERS everything and holds our desires close to His heart, simply because He loves us.
When we are constantly praying for our future spouse, we can begin to grow EXCITED about the fantastic ways that God is going to answer our prayers. Instead of feeling frustrated or jealous, we can live with anticipation and certainty that He is already working behind the scenes to weave together the perfect, personalized love story!
Want to get a head start of loving your husband? –pray for Him. Not only will his life be affected, but you will find yourself growing more and more into the image of Christ as you place your face before His.
The best thing that you can do for your future husband now, is to actively surrender him into God’s hands.
The best gift that you will one day be able to give your husband, is a heart that looks like Jesus.
6) Psalms 57