I would like to introduce a new term into our discussion concerning singleness called, “Mangry.” This invented word is a spin-off of the phrase, “Hangry,”– a combination of the words, hungry and angry, which indicates the volatile emotional state and irrational behavior that often accompany extreme hunger.
Example: When a full-grown woman begins banging her silverware against the table at a restaurant and chanting, “Food! Food!” while seriously starting to consider eating the table cloth.
“Mangry,” therefore, describes the unstable emotional condition, clouded judgment, and erratic behavior that often emerges when a young woman is starving for the affection of a young man.
Example: When a beautiful, yet desperate girl suddenly begins to view every eligible male as marriageable material and dates the first bimbo who gives her a second glance. Other symptoms may include unexplained mood swings, the boycotting of romantic icons such as chick-flicks and Valentine’s day, and eating entire tubs of ice cream in one sitting.
Simply Put-People do dumb things when they’re hungry. That old wive’s tale about not going grocery shopping on an empty stomach…it’s great advice. When you’re hungry, your judgement is clouded. Suddenly everything looks tasty! Things that you would never buy and never even consider placing in your mouth become must-haves. You end up a with a cartload of junk, an empty bank account, and kitchen cupboards full of regret.
In the same way, when a girl is emotionally famished for male attention, she may be tempted to spend her precious time and emotions on a man who is clearly not part of God’s plan for her life. This sort of “boy binging” behavior will NOT curb your cravings, and will leave you with nothing but a bad taste in your mouth and soul cabinets lined with regret.
As Christian girls, caving to the emotional and social pressures of “mangriness” is NOT an option. God’s girls aren’t just waiting for any guy, we are prayerfully waiting in obedience for THE guy that we believe God has specifically chosen and crafted just for us. If we truly believe that God is actively writing our love story, then we will actively seek to preserve our hearts and our bodies for our forever love.
This means having a PLAN set in place beforehand to keep us from making foolish decisions when we’re feeling “mangry.” Ultimately, that plans needs to be rooted in a daily, surrendered, love-relationship with Jesus Christ. (If this is not present in your life, honestly, I would suggest that you stop reading this article right now and ensure that this is in order before you do anything else. Please click this link for more information on how you can start a personal relationship with God.)
Outside of this anchoring force, there are some practical steps you can take to help clear the fog. You need to have a list of non-negotiables to add to your “boy shopping” list before you ever head out on the market.
The following are a list of practical tips and advice that I hope can help you know what to do/not to do when you’re feeling “mangry”….
TIP: Never enter a relationship out of pity, or out of sheer desperation to have a man. If you are more interested in the idea of a relationship and marriage, than you are in the actual person you are with, there is a major problem.
TIP: It is NOT kind to play with a guy’s heart and emotions simply because you are lonely and emotionally needy. That’s called using someone and is the opposite of real love. If you don’t think you might honestly be able to marry this guy, you are wasting both his and your time by being with him.
TIP: It is NOT attractive or advisable to throw yourself onto the first eligible male that comes your way and cling to him like a barnacle. Good guys are not drawn to clinginess, and if they are, it’s probably for the wrong reason.
If you fear you may be in a “barnacle” relationship or are currently struggling with an invitation to enter into one, here are some good practical questions to ask…
1) What do your parents think of him?
Ladies, I know you some of you may have just cringed, but hear me out. Though no one is perfect, God gave us our parents as built-in protectors and voices of wisdom to help keep us from crashing and burning. If your parents aren’t down with the guy you’re currently with, this should be a HUGE red flag.
2) Are you physically attracted to him?
Contrary to popular belief, there IS an element of physical attraction involved in a healthy marriage. Of course you should be in love with his heart above all else, but seriously, you are going to wake up next to this person for the rest of your life! That’s kind of a big deal. If the sight of him doesn’t send your heart into a violent flutter, (so much so that even the thought of sniffing his morning breath is attractive) you may want to reconsider. (Bonus question: Would you mind having children that resemble him? …Because you probably will)
3) Is he a Christian?
Not just does he say he’s a Christian, or does he attend church…but does he bear the evidence of an active, vibrant relationship with Christ? If you have to GUESS whether or not someone is a Christian, JUST SAY NO. Your husband is meant to be the spiritual leader of your house, the person who grabs your hand and leads you deeper into the heart of Christ. If he is pulling you in the opposite direction, or if you are basing your assumption that he is a Christian on anything other than a Christlike character….RUN, RUN AWAY.
*MYTHBUSTER BONUS*: God never calls us to engage in “Missionary” dating. I have had people tell me that they believe God wants them to lead their boyfriend to Christ. This would be false. God NEVER, EVER tells us to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who is a non-believer because He has specifically told us, “You are not the same as those who do not believe. So do not join yourselves to them.” ((2)) We do not date people to bring them to Jesus. We date people because being around them brings us closer to Jesus….which brings me to my next and most important point.
4) Does he inspire you to be more like Jesus?
This is the most important and most overlooked aspect of any relationship. Does being around your man, watching the way he lives and the way he loves, the sweetness of his relationship with Christ, make you want to know Jesus more?
This doesn’t mean that all of your conversations have to be discussions on Biblical topics, or that you can only do “spiritual” activities (though one of the coolest things that my husband and I did while we were dating was serve together)…it simply means that your man’s life pulls you in closer to God’s life and makes you more excited about completing God’s mission. This is crucial. When God puts together a marriage, He is taking two key players from His team and uniting them to create an even greater, all-star, fighting force for His Kingdom. He matches up our strengths and weaknesses in a spiritual compatibility test that makes Matched.com’s criteria look like a sham. When my husband and I decided to get married, we did so under the mantra of our ability to, “Do more for the Kingdom of God together than we could do apart.”
Ultimately, the thought of spending the rest of your life with this person should be the most EXCITING, ADRENALINE RUSHING idea (outside of Christ) that has ever crossed your mind. If you’re having doubts, the best thing you can do is PRAY. God does not delight in withholding wisdom from people who ask for it. He will not allow someone who is genuinely seeking to do His will to run headlong in the wrong direction without stepping in to intervene.
TIP: Do NOT hesitate if God says to end things. Sometimes, despite your greatest protests, He will make it clear that you need to end an unhealthy relationship. Yes, it will be painful. Yes, your knees might be knocking and your voice might be trembling, but God WILL give you the courage to do what is necessary, and it will be SO WORTH IT. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will become, and the more emotional damage you may cause in the long run. Those of you who need to pick up your phone and make a difficult call…please stop reading and do so now.
QUESTION: What do I do if I’ve already blown it?
Some of you reading this may have already engaged in some destructive “mangry” behavior. Maybe you’ve spent a ton of time and emotional energy on a bunch of unworthy guys, or even given away your virginity to one or all of them. Don’t panic! There is no such thing as “permanently blowing it” under the reign of God’s grace. There is no wrongdoing you could commit that is bigger than God’s ability to forgive and restore. Want to be made new? All you have to do is ask! God CAN and WILL make you “whiter than snow.”
As author Leslie Ludy puts it, “God-scripted love stories are not just for those who have never compromised. In fact, the very reason that Christ sacrificed everything for us was to offer us the chance to be restored, washed clean, and given hope and a future. If you feel that you’ve “gone too far” to experience a truly pure and beautiful God-scripted love story, let me assure you that it’s never too late to be restored and made new by His amazing, cleansing blood.” ((3))
For those of you who have never received God’s forgiveness, please follow this link to find out how this can happen. For those of who already belong to Jesus, but are seeking specific forgiveness for sins of a sexual nature, follow this link for some peace.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK to discover part two of Truth #4! Learn how Christian women can avoid setting their standards “too high,” and escape the legalistic bondage that often accompanies the seeking of a mate.
1) How can I have a personal relationship with Jesus. Click here
2) A list of Scripture references concerning God’s forgiveness.
4) Leslie Ludy, “Experiencing God’s Restoration”